so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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