You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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