I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
