i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
zippers are such a cool invention
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
