Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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