Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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