Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
