thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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