In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
