Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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