I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
