wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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