i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
