so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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