I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
