I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
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