I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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