I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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