....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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