Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
