..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I just threw up on my dentist
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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