How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
