im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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