R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
