we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
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