I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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