remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
