I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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