im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
