Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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