He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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