I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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