It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
