im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Did I show you my penis last night?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
My penis needs a shock collar
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
