How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
