There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
