i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
its liver damage thursday
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
