She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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