Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
