I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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