This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
