If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
