Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
