How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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