Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
