we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
