well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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