Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
