Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
