I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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