the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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