just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
