I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
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