I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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