if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Randomize
