Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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