just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
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