Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
