did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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