would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
