also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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