When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
