I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
