the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
