You smell like a Billy Joel song
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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