My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
