His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
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He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
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When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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