I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize