All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
