I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
