I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
