Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
