maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
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as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
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I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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