I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
