I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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