East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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