Plan B is the new Plan A
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
