my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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