I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
