i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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