my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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