No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
