it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I think your dad took our porno
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
pray to the hookup gods
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Randomize
