im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Randomize
