When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
