he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
