yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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