Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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