do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
