my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
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