My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
You may now shotgun with the bride
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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